Twilight Revealed: The Musical
by AwayWithTheVampires
Summary: The Cullen Family have some interesting secrets to tell… Our main character, Mr. Harry Potter, is investigating certain rumours such as a drag-queen, man whore and an extra terrestrial life form… read on…
1. its rainig men, and dogs

Twilight Revealed: The Musical

Summary: The Cullen Family have some interesting secrets to tell…

Lol, this story was co-written by moi nd mon amis Saoirse:D:D Hope you enjoy:)

**Warning: Only read if you have a sense of humour. Our a twisted one like ours anyway:)**

Our main character, Mr. Harry Potter, is investigating certain rumours such as a drag-queen, man whore and an extra terrestrial life form… read on…

A heavenly voice drifted off the stage…

"_Its raining men! Hallelujah! Its raining men!"_

Harry looked up in time to see Edward Cullen prancing around on the stage, dressed in a pink leotard and a feather boa. He was giving it his all, shouting into the microphone like there was no tomorrow. Harry assessed his appearance with a critical eye.

The normally beautiful Mr. Cullen tonight had on a blonde curly wig, assorted make up products and as previously mentioned, his leotard.

Harry coughed, trying to hide his smile. As the next notes drifted to where he was seated, he coughed for real.

"_I'm just a sweet transvestite, from transsexual Transylvania!!" _

Edward was a big fan of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and it was always a crowd favourite. His usuals in the front row cheered and got up, throwing their hankies at him. As the song ended, Edward did the splits, curtsied and skipped off stage.

"wooooooooooooooooo!!" came the cheer of the crowd.

Harry went to meet Edward at the back entrance (meet NOT in that way)

"Hello meine freudinan,' Edward smiled. 'Enjoy the show?"

"Uh… sure,' replied Harry. He grimaced inwardly. 'We better get home. You know, for Bella…"

"Of course, she cannot go long without my devilish charms." he said coyly.

Harry turned towards the entrance pretty quickly after that… and lo and behold- Jacob Brown!

"Well,… look who we 'ave here boys… what a coinkydink." Jacob Brown and all his friends stood in the doorway looking smug as ever.

Harry frowned at Edward. _What are we going to do now?_ he thought. 

_Oh me oh my deary deary _Edward thought. Then a thought occurred to him.

"Why hello my dear puppy,' Edward smiled sweetly. 'But, oh, what are YOU doing in a DRAG QUEEN CLUB may I ask?"

Jacobs cheeks went red. He shuffled um-comfortably. 

"Well… Sam… He's…" he trailed off.

"What was that?" Harry asked smugly. Jacob rushed his next words.

"Sam's on tonight, and we came to support him." he glared at them defiantly.

Edward sneered. _He can talk_ thought Harry.

"Well lads, we must be off… Cheerio!" Edward sang as he went off.

"_Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend you have been the one for meeeee!" _Harry shook his head, but was interrupted by a stomp behind him. He turned

To see that the three werewolves had taken up a triangular position, Jacob at the lead. They started doing some well rehearsed dance moves from an Abba video.

"Woof, woof, woof woof…" They all started 'singing'.

Jacob jumped onto the stage, grabbing the microphone off a disgruntled Count Olaf, who was in the middle of singing 'If I were a Rich Man.'

"All the fella's start the name calling and the girls respond to the call!!" Jacob paused surveying his audience, counting down…

"_Who let the dogs out? Who who who who who? Who let the dogs out??"_

Embry and Quil were shaking their booties and wagging their tails around on the front stage. The crowd was going wild, shouting along and trying to molest Jacob. Harry left, dragging Edward along (he had wanted to stay and join in)

Harry jumped onto Edwards back and he took off, soaring into the night…

Meanwhile, Emmett had been skulking around street corners, waiting for a willing customer, and smiling provocatively at the innocent hedge cutter across the road. A black car cruised past him, did sharp turn and stopped behind him. Emmett gussied up, fixed his hot pants and walked towards the mystery vehicle.

"Hey honey, want a ride?" The man behind the wheel asked. 

"Sure sweetie,' Emmett crowed. 'Where to?"

The man smiled, revealing a row of gums. Emmett squealed in horror, but got into the car anyway. _Beggars cant be choosers_ he thought. 

The car sped away, with Emmett looking forlornly out the back window…

Jasper floated through the wall. There _was_ a door, but being a ghost and all, why use it? Little known fact about Jasper… he was really Casper the Friendly Ghost in disguise. He floated at exactly 78 cm off the floor, and contrary to popular belief, he often banged into things, solid or not. His attention was brought back to the present by movement through the wall…

WHO was THAT??

"_I am a vampire, I am a vampire I have lost my fangs!"_

Carlisle always had a soft spot for jazz. In the early 1800 he had created his own band, The Antsy Pants. They were a global hit now, and their recent single, appropriately named "Vampire", was Carlisle way of expressing the feelings he couldn't other wise.

"_And the pretty girls don't look at me, cause I've lost my mouse again!"_

"And that's a wrap people!" shouted the director. Carlisle and his fellow band mates, Rudey and Rascal, were currently filming the music video which involved a lot of jumping about and shaking, along with a barrel of butter! 

(A/N: So, did you like it?! Tune in for the next instalment, to find about how things turn out the stars of twilight!! (you see what I did there? You know,.…stars….twilight….no? okay..) Also, find out which twilighter has a secret agenda….vampire my day, backup dancer for MADONNA by night!! Also, which twilighter is turned EMO, and discover a SHOCKING SECRET you never knew about Rosalie!! That's all for know folks, and remember, KEEP WATCHING THE SKYS!!)


	2. hopelessley devoted to you

**CHAPTER 2**

Jasper stood, well hovered, mesmerized by what lay on the other side of the wall. It was Rosalie, but not as he knew her. She stood, facing her long, ornate mirror, while the radio was playing the grease soundtrack on repeat. Around her room lay several items, including an eyelash curler, Mongolian hat, and an electric toothbrush. But Jasper gasped in surprise, as he suddenly saw what was strewn across the bed. It was a blonde wig. He assessed Rosalie's appearance. She was wearing a hooded sweat shirt, boxer shorts, and her head was a hairless as the day she was born. Yep, you've guessed it. Rosalie Hale is really a man.

"_Hopelessly devoted__………__..to you!!__"_

At first, Jasper thought she was serenading her own reflection, but upon further examination of the mirror, he saw a photograph taped onto it. And he found himself staring into the face of Mr. Charlie Swan (pre-emo days)…………………

Confused and distressed, Jasper darted from the house, and into the arms of a rather sympathetic Erik Yorkie……………….

Alice rounded the corner and came to a halt outside the stadium. This was it. After weeks of hard work, she was finally going to find the truth. It had all started six-weeks ago. Alice could recall the day quite clearly………

flashback

"_**Ittssss**__**………**__** supercalifragilisticexpealidocious**__**……**__**. **__(_A/N, I SPELT THAT ALL BY MYSELFJ)

_Esme sang, as she walked through the door at 1am. This was the 6__th__ night this week that Esme had been out late, refusing to give a valid explanation for her whereabouts, and Alice was beginning to feel suspicious and ticked off.__L_

"_You seem awfully cheerful tonight.__"__ remarked Alice apprehensively. _

"_Oh, well, golly gosh Alice! Me, cheerful? Why in good heavens would you think that?__"__ Replied Esme, just before breaking out into an elaborate tap dance, involving several cartwheels and somersaults._

_Alice applauded the spectacle, and tried not to notice how as the following weeks past, Esme would arrive home later and later, happier and happier._

"_Oh fudge!__"__ Exclaimed Alice one day, __"__Im going to get to the bottom of this!__"_

_The very next day, Alice contacted Sir Artemis Fowl, vampire detective extraordinaire. _

So, five weeks later, here she was! Earlier that day, Alice had received a text from young Mr. Fowl, who was able to give her the location of Esme's night escapades.

Alice stood staring at the back-entrance door for an immeasurable length of time, before finally working up the courage to open it.

But even Alice wasn't prepared for what she saw.

There, on stage, stood Esme, dressed in a pink lycra shirt, and blue spandex shorts, not to mention the green arm-warmers and matching headband.

It was then that Alice finally understood what was going on. It was then that Alice's life began its steep spiral downwards. It was then, that Alice Cullen realised that her "mother", Esme Cullen, was in fact, a back-up dancer for Madonna.

Emmett sighed dejectedly as the car pulled in at the side of the road to let him out. He had a rough night. He thanked gumsy for the ride back, and fled the car as fast as possible.

As he skipped down the sidewalk, he passed a young couple. He looked at them and sighed. Was Emmett ever destined to find true love? Or was he a lost cause? He always thought that he and Rosalie completed each other, but lately it seemed different. He was getting the vibe that Rosalie was hiding something from him. Something BIG.

Emmett had just began to give up hope, when suddenly, he heard a soft, angelic voice from behind him.

"_Your beautiful, your beautiful, your beautiful, its true……….!!"_

Emmett turned around, and was suddenly losing himself in the eyes of Mr. Chandler Bing.

(A/N: So, wattcha think?? I gotta tell you, im getting depressed. not one review:( so, if you wanna make me happy, you know what to do:)

okey dokey then:)

oh, btw, while writing this, i was watching "friends" on tv, hence the introduction of Chandler. It was a tie between him and Ross.

Well, buh-bye:))

ps. only 1 day till breaking dawn:):)

p.p.s, remember what i said! reviews me happy. me happymore chapters. more chapters (hopefully) you happy. You see? when you review, your really hepling yourself!:)not to mention, this story is completeley random, so why not review nd let me know something youd like to see happening, our a song youd like to be featured:):)

p.p.ps, as i wrote this chapter, the next chapter will hopefully be written all by meine fruindenen SAOIRSE!!:):)

Tnx, stay tuned:)

-Ash

xoxo


	3. Do it for YOU!

Hello my lovely humansJJJ

Well……..I thinks it time we had a little TALK.

Last chapter I said that you could expect a NEW and AMZING chapter up, 

But!!………

It only seems fair that if we write this, it should at least get more than two reviews!! (Thanks to "chocolatexsmores" for your great review!!JJ)

C'mon guys!! 

There's probably a lot of people out there who are like me, and are lazy when it comes to leaving comments, thinking that someone else will leave one.

Let me tell you something my friend,………

Erm….this story isn't EXACTLY going to win any prizes any time soon.

Chances are nobody even reading this. 

Except you.

Now, doesn't that make you feel real special?!

SO, GETTING BACK TO THE POINT OF THIS!, 

Would really love to know what you think of this, 

And surely your one little review would be a SMALL price to pay for my happiness.

So, go on, click that blue (blue?) button……….

You know you wanna JJJ……

P.S know more updates until I get FIVE (Ya, count 'em!, FIVE) reviews.

P.P.S Breaking Dawn?? You like??J Don't like??L let me know! 


End file.
